What is Mindful Parenting?
Mindful parenting calls us to acknowledge and name the challenges
we face daily in trying to parent with awareness… it has to include recognizing our own frustrations,
insecurities and short comings, our limits and limitations,
even our darkest and most destructive feelings, and the ways we may feel overwhelmed or pulled apart.
~ Jon Kabat-Zinn ~
You must accept and embrace that this is your child and you have a difficult task ahead. First and foremost, you need to be accepting and kind to yourself. Acquiring mindfulness facilitates your job as a parent and allows you and your family to thrive.
When we live without mindfulness, we are left with reactive behavior – behavior without thought, without consideration. Splintered focus allows mindless and often regretful action to occur. When we react, we surrender control and often cause actions, decisions and interactions to be met with negative results. It puts one in the position of regretting our actions, feeling disappointed and becoming isolated.
From Mindless to Mindful
Breaking down the word mindfulness as mind-full-ness: a state of mind that is present and focused. Mindfulness is active being, not automatic existing. Mindfulness is being reflective rather than reactive. Mindfulness enables each person to feel confident and capable.
Mindfulness is being conscious and aware. “Mindfulness means paying attention, with kindness and patience, to what’s going on inside and outside of you right NOW” (Stewart, 2016). Mindfulness as a therapeutic technique is very valuable. This dimension harnesses attention and focus providing maximum opportunity for reflective thought and productive action.
How to Become More Mindful
When faced with the task of incorporating Mindfulness into your life, you may feel overwhelmed. One more thing to add to my impossible schedule?! I came here to solve the problems with my child and now I have MORE to do?!
WAIT! The good news is that Mindfulness is already in you. It is not something to add. More good news: you have been mindful in your life – many times! You may remember the first time you became aware of observing yourself…. perhaps as a toddler or a young child. Present and aware of what you were experiencing at that moment, you became a Mindful being. Mindful awareness has been with you ever since.
Remember (and reread as often as you need):
-Mindfulness is in you.
-It IS part of you.
-It has always been part of you.
Sometimes Mindfulness is obscured by our lifestyles, mental noise, or multi-tasking.
Other times we allow ourselves to run on auto pilot. With that said, awakening mindful awareness is ours for the asking.
Integrating Mindfulness into your parenting, your work, or yourself is an active process. It starts with making the intention and allowing yourself to take the first steps. Start with what you know. Direct your awareness to what is around you or in you.
Pausability
A pause is being in the moment
and giving yourself a break.
There is no wrong way to pause
so it’s hard to make a mistake.
~ Sileo, 2005 ~
Mindfulness in Action
Mindfulness is the presence of mind and inspiration to move forward. Intention is the decision point and driving force that determines your destination. This is mindfulness in action.
The Five Toltec Agreements
Don’t Take Anything Personally
Be Impeccable with Your Word
Don’t Assume: Ask Questions
Always Do Your Best
Be Skeptical: Listen & Learn
~Ruiz~
STOP
S – Stop
Bring yourself to the present moment
T- Take a Breath
O - Observe
The situation and how you are feeling.
P - Proceed
With Kindness for yourself and others involved.
References:
Apps
Books and Articles:
- Bertin, M. (2015).Mindful Parenting for ADHD.New Harbinger Publications:Oakland: CA.
- Congleton, C.,Hölzel, H., Britta, K., Lazar, S.W. (2015).Mindfulness can literally change your brain.Harvard Business Review.January 08, 2015.
- Goldrich, C. (2015). 8 Keys to Parenting Children with ADHD. New York, NY: WW Norton & Company.
- Gunaratana, B. (1996). Mindfulness in Plain English. Boston, MA: Wisdom Publications.
- Kabat-Zinn, M., Kabat-Zinn, J.(2014).Everyday Blessings: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting.New York, NY: Hachette Books.
- Ruiz, D. M., Ruiz D. J. (2011). The Fifth Agreement. A Practical Guide to Self-Mastery. San Rafael, CA: Amber-Allen Publishing
- Tsabary, S. (2010). The Conscious Parent. Vancouver, BC: Namaste Publishing